PURUU ([info]pinkpuruu) wrote,
@ 2004-10-13 23:52:00
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Entry tags:bleach, fanfic

[BLEACH] Bedtime Story
~1700 words. I don't know what the hell happened.

Anyway, Bleach. Rukia, Renji, and a jailcell. For [info]samuraidrive.

This feels choppy. Does it seem choppy?


Renji had known Rukia forever, an eternity, generations—for so long that he wasn't sure he could pinpoint a time when they hadn't been together. That was why he didn't consider, not even once, the possibility that she might not always be there. Sure, she might leave for a few months on business, but a few months to a shinigami was barely any time at all. They were beyond time. He'd always known that he and Rukia were inextricably tied together and that nothing, especially nothing, could break them apart.

Though a few things came incredibly close. One person, to be exact, came (is coming, Renji corrected) incredible close.

Renji remembered his name well; it was something ridiculously multifaceted, and, Renji added, incredibly dumb. Kurosaki Ichigo.

Of course he knew about Kurosaki. Of course he knew that he had two sisters, a dad, and a deceased mother. Of course he knew that he had killed twenty hollows in the last month. Of course he knew his eye color, hair color, height, weight, face, voice. He probably knew it as well as Rukia did. Even better. Because he knew Rukia and knew the things that Rukia knew, and if he didn’t, he went to great lengths to seek whatever it is that he was missing.

Of course Rukia was important to him. He wasn’t stupid enough to deny it.

Which only meant that he wasn’t going to let someone, the one, important to him waste away.

Unknown forces, those tightly woven, roughly formed, deeply rooted connections, were what beckoned him to her this night. It was late, so late that the sky had turned a shade of black that Renji never knew existed. His feet seemed to be separate entities, dragging his entire body towards where she was. Closing the undesirable gap.

When he was five paces away from the cell, he could tell instantly that she was awake. Her eyes shone in the darkness, an eerie color that could not have been found anywhere in nature. Her body lay curled in a fetal position; her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms pressed together tightly in front of her face. Renji found the position to be very unlike her.

She was the first to speak.

“It’s a bit late, don’t you think?”

“Thought I’d take a walk,” Renji said curtly, unbuckling his sheath and placing it on the ground in front of him. A sign of peace. Her bright eyes widened slightly in the darkness.

“Around the prison grounds?” she asked.

“I can walk wherever I walk!” Renji shouted, sitting down roughly on the ground. The bars were just an arm’s length away from him. “Don’t patronize me!”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

Renji scowled. “Stop with the woe-is-me puppy-dog act. You’re better than that.”

“Oh?” Her legs extended slightly until she was positioned completely on her side, facing him. “Can I take that as a compliment?”

“Take it however you want,” Renji snapped. At this, the woman smiled slightly and approached him. She sat dangerously close to the bars, so close that Renji could have reached out and touched her.

“Why would you come here?” she asked again, her head tilted in inquiry. She was smiling, but her eyebrows were knitted in confusion.

“I told you already!” he snapped at the ground. “I’m just walking!”

“You’re not walking now,” she pointed out.

“Because I’m talking to you, idiot!”

Rukia smiled. He glared.

“Thank you for coming, Renji,” she said sweetly. “I’m glad that you’re worried about me.”

“Who’s worried about you?!” he exclaimed. “Visiting someone isn’t the same as worrying! You’re disgusting!”

“That’s a childish thing to say.”

“Well, I can’t help it when I’m around you!”

She began to chuckle then, something that Renji hadn’t heard for a long time. A very long time. Even if it was completely devoid of any really happiness.

“Tell me a story,” Rukia said suddenly, childishly clutching the bars and goggling at him with a complacent smile. “You used to tell me such interesting stories.”

“No I didn’t,” Renji said, crossing his arms, looking angry. “I never told you stories.”

“You did,” Rukia said, a little softly. “I liked them.”

“What, you mean the story about that time I—God, you still remember that?”

Her smile broadened. “Of course.”

He scoffed, but smiled. Rukia took this as a sign.

“Tell me a story.” She reached out and grasped his sleeve firmly. “When we were small and hid in the alleys to sleep, your stories would always lull me go to sleep.”

“I don’t have any stories,” he said, trying to tug his sleeve out of her grasp. She grew more persistent, slightly distressed.

“Please, Renji. One story.”

She pulled him so forcefully that his shoulder jarred against the bars. He winced and was about to turn and shout at her, until she grabbed his hand. Her small fingers wrapped themselves around his through the bars. Firmly.

“Jeez,” he muttered. “You’re too damned persistent.”

She smiled.

Renji sighed, and took a deep breath. “Well, there’s this one story I know… it’s really popular. It’s about this princess named Rapunzel—heard of it?”

“Go on.”

“See, this princess,” Renji began, his eyes falling upon her hand in his, “this princess was trapped in a tall tower with no door, no stairs, no nothing. Only one window at the very top (it was a tall tower). I forgot why,” he scratched his head, “I mean, I only heard this once or twice, but how she got in there isn’t really important.”

Rukia gave a little snort.

“Anyway, this princess was stuck up in this tower, right? I think a witch trapped her up there or something… yeah, yeah I remember, there was a witch. I’m sure there was one. Hey, shut up, you’re supposed to be listening.”

“Sorry. I’ll stop.” Rukia tried to keep a straight face. Renji glared.

“So this princess—she’s been locked up in this tower for many years, all her life,” he said, trying not to look at his hands. “And her hair grew really, really long. And she had nothing to do but comb it (I guess that’s what girls do). Don’t ask about food or the toilet or anything, because I don’t know either. All I remembered was that she was lonely. Really, really lonely.”

“That’s sad.”

“Of course it’s sad. All she had was that old hag of a witch, and even though the bitch, sorry, was mean to her, Rapunzel cared about her because she was the only one she had. Even if she were hated, she still loved her warden.”

“That’s nice of her.”

“I guess. I always thought she was an idiot. But yeah, in her heart, Rapunzel was always waiting for someone to come and rescue her. A prince, to be exact. Oh, crap, did I mention that her hair was really long?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay. So her hair was so long, it became sort of a ladder thing, I guess, and that was how the witch got up the tower, see? Whenever she’d be out, gathering herbs or something for magic, she’d have to call out ‘Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair!’, and Rapunzel would have to let down all of her hair and let this really fat witch climb up it every day.”

Rukia grinned. “This is a very interesting story.”

Renji shrugged, and scratched his head with his free hand. “Yeah, well, it’s one of my favorites.”

“Mmm.” She laid her head against the bars, inches away from where Renji’s shoulder was.

He coughed. “Um, yeah. Well one day, this really, really handsome prince… he was just riding around on his white stallion I think, and saw the witch climb up this rope of hair. And he thought, ‘now that’s odd’, and looked up and saw that the hair belonged to this really pretty girl. He feel in love instantly. Like that.” He snapped his fingers.

Rukia laughed. “With only one look?”

Renji shrugged, “Yeah, he wasn’t too bright either.”

“So does the prince… save her?”

“Wait, don’t go so fast,” Renji said. “First, he pretends to be the witch, climbs up her hair, and talks to her for awhile. They both fall in love, and they come up with a plan to escape together.”

“Did they?”

Renji furrowed his brow. “Um… wait. Yeah, I know they escaped in the end, but I forgot how. I’m sure the witch tried to stop them…”

Rukia pulled her fingers from his grasp. “You told me a story that you don’t even know the ending to?!” she exclaimed. “Does the princess get freed?!”

“Yes, I told you, yes!” Renji exclaimed, a little annoyed. “Don’t worry, the prince comes and saves her and they live happily ever after…”

“But how?”

Renji looked a little bewildered. “Is that really important? As long as it’s happy, right?”

Rukia bit her lip. “But it’s impossible to get her out; he couldn’t climb up the tower and then climb back down with her, plus there’s the witch, who undoubtedly put up all sorts of enchantments around the tower to prevent this sort of thing,” she said frantically. “And what if she doesn’t even want to go out? You said it yourself, she cared for the witch too…”

“Rukia.”

“And the prince barely even knows her and he’s risking his life and neck out for her? That’s stupidity!”

Rukia.”

Rukia gave him an irritated look. “What?”

“Kurosaki can do it.”

Rukia fell silent. Renji felt something rise in his throat. He plunged on.

“If anyone can do it,” he said to the ground, “it’d be him.” He oddly felt the need to fill the silence. “That guy,” he said, “that guy really cares about you.”

“That idiot,” she said viciously, glaring at the floor. “That idiot. I told him not to come. That fool.”

Renji sat, his back against Rukia, with a great sense of doom weighing down on him. “Caring for you is foolish?”

“Why,” she asked, her eyes wide and desperately confused, “Why would anyone care for me?”

“That’s something,” Renji said, “You can ask him. When he comes.’

He got up.

“He can’t.” Her voice was hollow.

“He will.”

Renji had known Rukia for a long time. He didn’t remember a moment in his life without her. She was always, always, going to be there. Even if forces greater than the two of them tried to wrench them apart, Renji would cling on. Because they were beyond anyone, everyone.

He was inextricably tied to her. There were forces far too great for anyone, even him, to comprehend this fact. It was because of this, because of this complexity, this puzzle, this paradox that Renji began to realize that he really did love her.

Which was why he was so willing to let Kurosaki have her.

“Good night,” Renji said, already at the threshold of the exit. “Good bye.”


Why is Calculus so impossibly long?




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[info]sub_divided
2004-10-14 02:21 am UTC (link)
It's a little messy, especially in the beginning when Renji is thinking to himself. I likeed the way he tells his story - he's so adorable! - but I had to wonder, can you speak parenthesis?

Hard to remember, sometimes, that it's only been a few months. And ah ha ha, Renji is a follower of CLAMP-style LUV(TM)!

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-14 07:54 pm UTC (link)
I had to wonder, can you speak parenthesis?

I liked the feeling it gave, when read. Even if it would be weird saying it aloud. O_o

Help me with the messiness! >< Or at least specific parts that you found awkward that I might need work on. Gyah.

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[info]sub_divided
2004-10-14 08:53 pm UTC (link)
You're trying to kill me, aren't you? (>< Gah I have so much work to do. But, but! It's correcting, and I was asked! I have to!

I think you could probably find most of this yourself, if you looked a bit, but in general:

-Some tense confusion in the first paragraph. I keep feeling like it should begin with past perfect, since this is the thinking that Renji has already done before the story even starts. Consider:

Renji had known Rukia forever, for so long he wasn't sure he could remember a time when they hadn't been together. That was why he didn't consider, even once, the possibility that she might not always be there. Sure, she might leave for a few months on business, but a few months to a shinigami was hardly barely any time at all. They were beyond time. He'd always known that he and Rukia were inextricably tied together with bonds tighter than fate and that nothing, especially nothing, could break them apart.

"He'd always known" for the same reason as "had known" at the beginning - this is something Renji has thought about before. Hardly is crossed out because it seems wrong, somehow. And I substituted "He and Rukia" because I took that first "they" to mean shinigami and having a second they that refers to something else is confusing. Other random changes are just style things designed to make the sentences flow logically, so that it is clear to the reader how one thought is leading to the next.

-This, mainly, is what I meant by messy - sometimes there isn't enough indication of the way Renji's thoughts are progressing, and so some thoughts seem to come out of thin air. Which is what you want, sometimes ("Kurosaki can do it"), but other times the process needs to be clearer. For instance:

Unknown forces, those tightly woven, roughly formed, deeply rooted connections, were what brought him there that night. It was hours past midnight, a number that Renji would have found soporific enough just to think about.

is a little too mysteriously unclear. There ought to be a more active way to say that he was going somewhere (don't use "that night", it puts the whole night into a different kind of past tense) because of all that stuff in the previous paragraphs.

-A small nit-pick: dangerously close to the bars; so close
should have a comma not a semi-colon.

-About the choppiness- that comes from the way you completely shifted tone, from serious to light-hearted and back to serious. That was fine- they are in a serious situation, but at the same time they can be lighthearted. So, no problems there! In fact, I liked the shift - it comes right when Rukia starts talking, and it really highlights her ability to clear away gloomy thoughts. Bravo!

Ack, what's really choppy is this comment. Hopefully you can see what trying to get at.


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[info]samuraidrive
2004-10-14 07:58 pm UTC (link)
aw. aaaaaaaw. *pets renji* poor guy. he's adorable.

it is a little choppy in the beginning few paragraphs and at certain places at the end, like... you stopped the sentence when it feels like there could be more to it.

(and dude. renji talks like you. XDXDXD.)

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[info]rianax
2004-10-17 06:48 pm UTC (link)
A bit rambling at times but beautiful all the same. I am blaming you for a new manga addiction, you know that?

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-17 07:23 pm UTC (link)
YEEEEEES~

Seriously, Bleach is damned awesome and its fandom needs some growing. :D. I read it because I really wanted to read [info]moonsheen's stuff, so I'm glad that I was able to pass on the addiction too.

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[info]rianax
2004-10-17 07:46 pm UTC (link)
I love you for it but my wallet curses you and ten generations of your children... half heartly though.

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-17 08:22 pm UTC (link)
BWHAHAHAHAHA

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[info]rianax
2004-10-18 04:40 am UTC (link)
*mutters* You would find that funny.

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-17 08:23 pm UTC (link)
Oh, and you should make a request, since that's all what I seem to be doing lately. Thanks to that, I've whipped out about 6 drabbles/fics. XD. Choose wisely.

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[info]saucydish
2004-10-19 11:29 pm UTC (link)
gaaaaaaaah *_______* <3 <3 <3
that was THE most perfect renji x rukia x ichigo i've ever read.. thank you for writing it! *weeps with joy*

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-20 04:11 pm UTC (link)
I'm not sure it is TEH PERFECT, but I'm glad that you thought so, XD. Thanks for reviewing.

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[info]sasorion
2004-10-20 12:57 am UTC (link)
;_;
That's exactly how I picture the triangle...poor Renji...unrequited love fits him so well, and yet...poor Renji. I love the use of Rapunzel's tale too. Renji makes for one helluva story teller XD.

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-20 04:14 pm UTC (link)
HAHA, yeah; *points above* [info]samuraidrive says that he sounds a lot like me trying to relate a story to someone and I would like to say that that really isn't too far from the truth. I suppose what made it so unique was the fact that I myself didn't really remember the tale of Rapunzel that well. Which worked out in the end, so yay. XD.

How DID she escape?

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[info]sasorion
2004-10-20 09:41 pm UTC (link)
I know I know! Rapunzel gets pregnant. Meanwhile the witch finds out that the prince has been seeing her. She cuts off Rapunzel's hair and turns her out of the castle with twin babies, while she herself waited for the prince. When he came, she blinded him and set him wandering in the desert, where after seven or so years, he happened to stumble into Rapunzel, and her tears healed his eyes and they lived happily ever after.
Now try putting that to Ichigo/Rukia...

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-21 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Dude. That storyline is twisted. HAHA XD.

If Rukia ever got pregnant with Ichigo's babies, I think I'd laugh myself dead.

There needs to be more fun IchigoXRukia fics. Hm...

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[info]hyourinmaru
2004-10-20 03:22 am UTC (link)
T_T Sad, but very sweet as well. I think the Rapunzel story fit in quite well with Rukia's situation (the tower, etc.)

Awesome, awesome story. You have my love ^_^

maybe you'll take me on as an apprentice? *puppy-eyes*

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-20 04:16 pm UTC (link)
Thankee kindly.

And if by apprentice you mean slave, then SURE. :D.

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[info]fruru_devilette
2004-10-20 06:47 am UTC (link)
oh you XD!!! this is great!!! And the was you tie the story to it is very interesting... it's kinda like, similar, i guess~ never thought of it though! Welldone!! Renji is all too cute X3!!! Only thing I wonder now is.. does this makes Byakuya the witchXD?!? ha ha

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[info]pinkpuruu
2004-10-20 04:17 pm UTC (link)
does this makes Byakuya the witchXD?!?

Now THAT'S a thought. XD.

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eh
(Anonymous)
2005-09-30 12:54 am UTC (link)
is this is actual story? or u just made it up?

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Re: eh
[info]pinkpuruu
2005-09-30 02:08 am UTC (link)
what do you mean?

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[info]alaceron
2006-01-06 04:34 pm UTC (link)
ARGH. Hurts right THERE.
And I loved it so much. T_T

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[info]sonoe
2006-08-09 05:28 am UTC (link)
I really loved how you described Renji's relationship and thoughts about Rukia.. It was beautifully written. As for Renji's storytelling.... BWAHAHAHA!!! I'd love to have him tell me stories, he's got a talent for it *thumbs up* This'll be a nice memo ^^

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[info]pinkpuruu
2006-08-09 06:57 am UTC (link)
Thanks!
How did you stumble across this fic anyway?

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